also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
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