P.S. I can't hear my feet
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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