my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
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