we have officially lost it.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
