I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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