I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
