what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
