So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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