yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
