Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
