I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
