We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize