We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
