My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
