Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
