it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
