There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
