Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Randomize
