Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
