she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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