8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
