honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Randomize
