I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
