Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Randomize
