The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
