GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
