literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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