i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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