So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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