I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
