I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Randomize
