I hate all girls vehemently.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
