also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Randomize
