I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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