4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You were trust falling into bushes
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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