ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
