a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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