I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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