youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
