Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
