we're blogging at a bar
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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