You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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