I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
