I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
