I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
