I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
