he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
