please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
