I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
