He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
