Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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