i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
